Last weekend, we went home to visit my mother – I needed some home time. While we were there, she got the results of her very last exam. She passed, with flying colours. Of course.
For the last 10 years, she has been working towards her official qualifications as a Chartered Accountant. First a diploma, which she then cross credited into a Bachelors Degree and then more recently, the Chartered Accountants papers. To see it right through to the end.
She has studied evenings and weekends, taken night and afternoon classes, worked full time, found time to fall in love, get married, buy a house with her new husband, take the absolute best care of him and his son and always be the most amazing, present, loving, caring and supportive mother to my sister and I, and an even more loving and wonderful grandmother to my boys, and now Brent’s mini’s too.
She made it, through to the end and she has aced every step getting there. She is an absolute super star. When she got the results, we both cried. Hers probably relief tears, mine, pride beyond what I could put into words.
In honour of the incredible woman that she is, this Thursdays list, things I hope my Mama knows.
1. We have spoken before about how she has worried sometimes, whether she did a good enough job with us. That she wondered if she had done things differently, or been more of something, or less of something, that we would struggle less with some of the things we struggle with.
I hope she knows that (all mamas have this worry, it is something that plagues me daily with mine even at the young age my minis are at now but also,) I couldn’t have asked for a better mum. A more loving, understanding, supportive mum who is not only my biggest fan, but my biggest reality check when I need it. Throughout my life, she has been my calm in the storm no matter what I’ve had going on and I love her, and every choice she has made for us, and I wouldn’t change a single thing about the way she has mothered us.
2. I hope she knows that she is the voice I hear in the back of my mind when I want to give up, quietly whispering to keep going. And when I want to give up anyway, she is the voice on the other end of the phone, telling me loudly and clearly that I can do it. Her unwavering belief in me taught me to believe in myself, and push myself when things get too hard or uncomfortable – not just with her words, but with her actions. She leads with the best example and I am so grateful for that.
3. I hope she knows how much I appreciate her voice of reason. By nature, I am impulsive, strong willed (read: stubborn) and hot headed. She is always there to remind me to look at things from a different perspective. To put me in my place when I am being unreasonable, and to remind me to take a step back and think further than right now when I am feeling impulsive.
4. I hope she knows that she inspires me every single day with the way she has grown to love herself, the way she has found peace in forgiveness, never given up on love, and how she has had the strength to do things like study, for herself, to make only herself proud.
She is an incredible reminder that we only live once, that carrying around anger and resentment and focussing on other peoples why’s or approval will never bring happiness. She makes me want to be a better person, the best person I can be. To make her proud, but also to make me proud, because it’s me I have to spend the most time with. She has taught me how important it is that I love that person unconditionally.
5. I hope she knows that she is the mother I hope I can be for my children.
Although I don’t have anywhere near her patience, or wisdom (I’m still waiting for the day I wake up knowing everything – it’s coming right??) or calm nature that she has, I hope my boys know that I love them with everything that I am, and that I will believe in them fiercely and support them through anything, for all of their days.
I hope that they, and Fynn and Milla too, know that I will always be here, for anything they need (I mean within reason, I still probably won’t happily share my snacks… Another reason I think my mother might be a saint.) and that I will answer their every call and listen to their every worry and be here to cheer them on when they have forgotten how to cheer for themselves.
I love you Mama, and I am so proud of you ❤