There are some situations in life where you have to make decisions and there are 3 options.
- The one that is best for you,
- The one that is best for the other person
- The one that works out somewhere in the middle for both parties.
If this third option doesn’t exist, I’ve always tried my best to create it.
It’s not always the option that is the most ideal for me, but when you care, or when there is a way to compromise even if it’s with someone that you’re not the biggest fan of, it feels better to know that you tried.
Most of the time, it works out for the best. Most people are happy to meet halfway, and are happy with something that is fair for everyone involved.
Sometimes though, no matter how much you go out of your way, there will still be conflict.
Every now and then, there are those that will never be able to see the effort that you have gone to, or the sacrifices you have made, because the outcome isn’t their exact idea of perfect or ideal. There is no meeting in the middle. The funny thing is that in these cases, it’s usually when that ‘middle’ is much closer to their side than yours.
In those situations, you have to let go of the standards and expectations that you hold most other people to, and understand that some people are just sucky.
There is not a thing that analysing or worrying or spending time obsessing over why’s, is going to do to change that.
It’s disappointing when you’ve found a way to try, only to find that you’re met with more conflict. It makes you all kinds of resentful. And angry.
It can be easy then to wish you had just done what was best for you in the first place, and dealt with the same amount of turmoil.
It can be easy to wonder if maybe it’s time to always go into everything expecting the worst, or give up trying to hope for the best in people.
I’ve been told I live with my head in the clouds many times before. That life isn’t a fairy tale and that not everything is going to always be fair, and work out with resolutions that mean everyone can be happy. That I need to grow up.
I haven’t yet.
But maybe that’s not a bad thing.
Maybe it’s better to remain
stupidly ever optimistic, and always hoping for the best in people.
Everyone behaves based on their life experiences up until that point, what they’ve been taught, what they’ve been through, what they know and something happens when you make the effort to see things from other people’s perspective.
You find that you are able to start to taking things less personally. You realise that we’re all as insecure as each other and so much of the time, peoples actions and reactions stem from that.
You start to remember all the times that you have snapped at people, who have done nothing but be in the wrong place at the wrong time, because of something unrelated that happened hours, or even days ago.
All the times you’ve made the wrong choices. Sometimes you’re able to go back and fix that, and sometimes you’re not, but you know that if you could go back and change things, you would.
It becomes easier to let go and it becomes easier to put ‘kill em with kindness’ into action without scoffing at the sheer unrealistic-ness of it.
Something I misunderstood about this saying before, is that the kindness isn’t for them.
It’s for you.
For your inner peace.
So that at the end of the day, no matter what has happened, you can move forward. Knowing you tried your best to do the right thing, or at least the kind thing.
Reacting with kindness isn’t always easy. Being rational in the heat of a moment is the last thing on your frustrated or emotional mind. Sometimes silence is the next best thing.
In those situations where you come across people who make decisions, who behave a certain way, who say things or do things that you can never understand or relate to no matter how hard you try, I’ve found it helpful to remember something my mother has always told me.
Happy people don’t find joy in making other people miserable.
Healthy people don’t go out of their way to hurt others.
Don’t let the behaviour or choices of those people keep you from trying your best to do the right thing.
Put yourself first when you need to, but if you can find a way to meet in the middle, keep trying.
It won’t always work out happily, it might end in the same way as if you hadn’t tried, you might end up disappointed that you tried for the wrong people, but at the end of the day, the person that you answer to is you.
You have to look back on the choices that you’ve made, and the person you become.
Do everything you can to make sure that person is someone you can be proud of.
Let’s work on it together.