I have stumbled across a few posts in a few different places lately, all with a similar theme – easy love isn’t real love. I let it go after the first but after the third, I couldn’t stop thinking about it and I disagree.
Life is hard. Parenting when you have a cold is hard. Actually, parenting in general is hard. (Please send wine.) Working with people who think that their job descriptions are ‘lightly suggested guidelines’ is hard. Trying to figure out why Brent leaves his dirty clothes in a pile next to his bed instead of in the perfectly good washing basket that’s 5 steps away is hard.
Love though? That is the easy part.
Brent can drive me crazy like no other human alive and even in our short few years together, life has thrown us some crazy big curve balls, but even on our worst days, I know I love him.
Even when I am my angriest with him, I know.
Even when I am exhausted, and annoyed because he didn’t do the dishes, I know.
Even when I’m listening to his boring work stories about networks and routers and engineers and cabling and pathways, I question my taste a little, but I know.
I know when he holds my hand and laughs when I cry while watching sappy movies. I know when he patiently listens to me rant about whatever I’m angry about, even when it’s the 67th time.
I know when he offers gentle advice when he thinks I need it, but leaves me to learn life’s lessons on my own when he thinks I don’t.
I know when I hear the kids giggling from the other side of the house because he has walked in the door early and surprised them. I know when I see the look of love they all have on their faces when he is around.
I know in all the little moments in our lives – the ones that if you’re not looking, can easily pass by, but if you are looking, you find that they all add up to the most beautiful big moments that make up our beautiful chaotic lives together.
I know that I would defend this man with everything I have, that I would do anything to protect him from the sad look he gets in his eyes when someone disappoints him, that I would climb mountains —- ok I actually do this one!! And not for any beautifully romantic hypothetical reason. Just because he wants to. Love!
Is climbing 17,000 flights of stairs and endless crazy steep hills easy?
Is doing it just to see his stupid grin when we get to the top?
(Kidding, it totally is. That grin is cute as heck.)
This man is my rock and when everything else in the world is hard, when getting out of bed seems impossible, when I can’t even love myself, loving him is easy.
Easy love IS real love.
I didn’t always feel this way.
I too, used to think love was hard. That insecure, unsure, unsettled was ‘normal’. That turbulence meant excitement, that jealousy meant passion.. Until I met Brent.
Now, no matter what is going on in our lives, unsettled, insecure or unsure are never words that I could use to describe how I feel about our love.
To me, easy love means that there is more strength left over to take on all the things in life that aren’t easy. Together.
Easy love means there is no question as to whether or not you’ll be able to weather the storms to come. You just do. And you come out the other end stronger and closer because of them.
Easy love doesn’t mean that every day will be sunshine, butterflies and effortless compromise, but it does mean the decision to put in the work is an easy one.
Easy love doesn’t mean guaranteed smooth sailing, or never fighting. Easy love means learning to fight fair, trying harder to communicate when you start to feel like you have shifted onto different pages and navigating the waves together.
Easy love means easy respect, easy loyalty.
Easy love means building each other up, supporting each others dreams, making each others favourite dinners, even when his favourite dinner takes hours to make and has no chilli in it…..
Don’t write off love just because it’s easy – in fact, when you find a love that comes easy, hold onto it tightly. Give it everything you have.