“Your self worth is determined by you. You don’t have to depend on someone telling you who you are.”
I’m pretty sure Beyonce said that. And she is the queen of confidence.
It’s only natural to care what other people think of you – it’s when you get a little too carried away that things start to fall apart.
I am the kind of person that over-thinks, over-explains and over-justifies everything. I look for outside validation on choices I make, I have a tendency to obsess over the most ridiculous of things, and I just in general care a little too much what other people think.
It’s partly a side effect of anxiety issues, and mostly a confidence thing.
Self confidence is something I’ve always struggled with – it’s a long game, but I’m working on it and as life goes on, things are getting easier.
I have learnt that it’s not just other peoples words that have power over us, it’s our own. I am coming to understand that when we change the words we use when we talk/think about ourselves, the way we feel changes.
I am learning the importance of remembering what my values are. Re-evaluating my priorities and my life goals and basing my choices on them, rather than the approval of other people.
I am learning to back myself, that a firm belief in who and what I am is the key to finding validation from the inside rather than outside.
I am realising that it’s ok to look at my accomplishments and feel proud – proud of how far I’ve come, proud of the job I am doing with my mini humans, proud of the things that I have created.
A very wise lady reminded me recently in a moment of doubt, that those who feel negatively about who you are, what you do or what you share, they don’t have to be involved. If they keep coming back to you, just to be hateful, that is their choice – and their battle to work through. Ours is to remember our ‘why’ and keep doing what makes us happy.
I have learnt that comparison really is the thief of joy, that what other people have or do or have achieved doesn’t take away from what I have or do or have achieved. I am learning to remind myself regularly that I am exactly where I am meant to be, that success comes in all different shapes and sizes.
I am learning that avoiding conflict isn’t always the best option. That every now and then I have to fight for what is right for me. I’m coming to understand that that doesn’t make me a bad person, it makes me a strong one.
I’m slowly learning that everyone struggles with confidence from time to time, and to ease up on myself a little when I need a little nudge to get back on track.
Even the most confident people, the ones we are striving to be a little more like, have insecurities. Parts of themselves that they wish they could change, things they worry about, things they feel unsure of.
There is an internet full of enlightened people who might disagree, that might say that complete self certainty is what we should be striving for, the ability to detach from all negative emotions. The reality is though, that we’re all human.
We all need a little pep talk pick me up sometimes. We all need a little reminder that everything is going to be ok from time to time. We all need to hear that we have done the right thing, or made the right choice, or done a good enough job every now and then.
I’m happier when I admit that at times I struggle. It’s honest, it’s real and it’s easier than pretending that everything is amazing when it just isn’t always.
Maybe I can have these feelings, these doubts and still experience confidence. Still be happy.
Confidence is a process and a work in progress.
I am a work in progress.