Last night I fell asleep smiling. I’m happy!
I used to get nervous when it felt like everything was going right. Worried that I’d get used to it and it’d be exactly then that I’d be due for a fall. I used to think it was ‘realistic’ to imagine/plan for the very worst eventualities in every situation. That anything else was me ‘living with my head in the clouds’.
I used to put my successes down to luck rather than trusting that it was my hard work that was bringing the positive outcomes. Luck that would soon run out.
If I ever caught myself thinking about how happy I was I’d stop. In case I jinxed it. (Obviously. What a way to live! So rational. So full of sense. Sigh.)
Now? I wholeheartedly embrace the good times. I let myself enjoy them entirely.
I let myself be happy.
I smile without reserve, I happy dance in the sunshine (and the rain) and I fall asleep thinking about how lucky I am and how grateful I am to be where I am.
I let the excited and happy feelings overflow without forcing them into feelings of anxiety by overthinking and I trust in the hard work that I put in – the goal setting, the focus, the planning – I think I believe in myself a little more!
When the hard times hit – and they inevitably do because life is a series of ebbs and flows, I remember that they’re only temporary. Like everything.
I trust in my ability to get through, to figure it out and I trust in the strength I have to fight my way through whatever the bad times might have in store.
I’ve made it through 100% of the hard times in my life, my track record is pretty spot on and that’s something to be proud of, and something to always remember.
I still have backup plans. I’m that kind of person. But I choose not to focus on them once they’re made. Realistic doesn’t have to equal pessimistic.
I choose to focus on the positive. The joy. The present moment!
And in the situations where things don’t always go my way, I interrupt the feelings of anxiety and disappointment with gratitude. For all the other times things didn’t go my way and how many of those times it was because something even better was just around the corner.
It’s not always easy, but – like I’ve said before, life is a work in progress (…..is this my catch phrase?!!). I am a work in progress and today? I realised how far I’ve come, that this is the woman I am becoming.
I’m kinda proud of her!