2017 was a tough year.

2018 has been a little tough too really – but with one main difference.

Boundaries.

I realised at the end of it, that so much of 2017’s ‘terrible’ was me dwelling on what other people thought, trying to fit where I didn’t, saying yes when I wanted to say no..

I had no boundaries.

I was unsure and insecure and so I let other peoples opinions decide how I felt about myself.

I cared too much, went too far out of my way to explain myself to people that didn’t deserve it, let people treat me badly or take advantage of my willingness to go the extra mile and I did nothing about it. I went so far out of my way to make other people happy that I sacrificed my own happiness.

I don’t regret much in life (I’m a firm believer in every mistake helping to shape the me that I’ve become) but. I do regret how much time I’ve spent not saying what I think because I’ve felt like maybe my opinion wasn’t valid. Or not standing up for myself when people were awful. Or not saying no because I didn’t want to disappoint people who, when the time came, had no issues disappointing me.

Towards the end of the year, I retreated.

Something had to give.

I deactivated all of my social media. I took a step away from the people that were taking away the sunshine from my life instead of adding to it.

I took some time to regroup. To focus on me, and my family.

YOU GUYS!

Putting yourself first sometimes doesn’t make you selfish, it makes you a wise ass lady.

(…or man!!)

Falling in love with yourself and making you and your happiness a priority isn’t just ok. It’s EXACTLY the right way to live.

It’s ok to put boundaries in place.

To decide what you are and aren’t willing to put up with and then draw those lines.

It’s ok to stand up for yourself.

To have unpopular opinions.

To walk away when something no longer makes you happy.

It’s ok to be who you are, in all of that glory!

People take their cues on how to treat you from what you put up with.

So say no when you want to. Don’t explain yourself so much to people who don’t deserve it. Don’t apologise so much for things you don’t really need to be sorry for! Speak your mind when you need to. Don’t be afraid to say when someone isn’t treating you well.

Don’t be afraid to be wholeheartedly who you are just in case you offend someone.

You only have one life. Don’t live it for other people.

Live it for you.

Make yourself proud.

Put you first. Your happiness, your inner peace. You deserve it.

Be kind, but be tough.

With Love

2 thoughts on “Boundaries

  1. BRAVO! To you. For having Boundaries. It takes courage.

    So! I’m curious. Here is a little “Test scenario” for you. What would you do? Why? And a bigger question: Whenever we enforce a Boundary, it’s likely we will be accused of being “selfish”, or “power-tripping” or told that what is important to us is really “no big deal”. Of course! We are in the midst of making a change to things, and standing up for ourselves. But the question is–how do we decide (within ourselves) if or when we have gone too far?

    Here’s the scenario:
    A family member is riding with you in *your* car and you have the radio or a music CD on while driving. Its music you really like, but they say the music sucks and to turn it off. How do you feel about this conversation? Here is what I feel they would be likely to say, and my responses:

    Them: Gawd, that music sucks. Shut it off.
    Me: I like it and this is my car.
    Them: But I’m a “captive audience”.
    Me: #1–NO ONE forced you to ride with me! And its my car. Would you tell someone else what TV channel to have on if you were in their house?

    Them: Well, iiiii wouldn’t do things like that. I’d shut it off it you were in my car.”
    Me: Maybe. But you would be within your rights either way. But even aside from that: Your-choices-dont-obligate-me!
    Them: well, you could have a little more consideration.
    Me: IIII could? 2 replies: #1. who is on who’s “turf” here? When iiii’m the passenger, or a visitor at someone else’s place, I do things *their* way. They, or you, can show “consideration” and respect by doing the same for me. and #2. What would I do if you weren’t even here? I’d enjoy this music. Question: why should I diminish my enjoyment any less, or inhibit myself just because you are here?

    Them: That sounds selfish. 15 minutes without your music wouldn’t kill you.
    Me: And 15 minutes of hearing it won’t kill you, either. I am within my rights if its in my house, on my property or in my car. Just like you are.
    Them: Gawd, I hate driving with you.
    Me: I can stop the car. You are free to go. No one ever forced you at all.

    Comment: One more thing—suppose I *did* give them their way on this bit with the radio. How soon would it be before they found 6 other ways and situations for me (or you) to be more “considerate” ? You get to be “courteous” but they will never admit to being “manipulative”, bossy, or trying to run things when they are at your place, will they?

    Like

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