Today marks exactly a month until our wedding day.

My last month as a miss!

The planning is about done and the countdown is getting exciting.

When I met Brent there were butterflies and fireworks and overwhelming feelings of excitement at a future with this incredible man – but I didn’t know what I was getting into.

Not really.

I didn’t know that this man would become the one human on the planet that could make me the absolute angriest I’ve ever been.

I didn’t know how far my eyes could truly roll into the back of my head with annoyance at another god damn dad joke at the wrong time.

I didn’t know that I would want to throw my phone at his head at least weekly (if not daily) out of sheer frustration at his knack for being away from his phone at the very moment I need to call him every. single. time.

I didn’t know that some nights his snores could rumble a small country or that I’d want to jump out of a moving vehicle every time he coughed because it’s SO LOUD.

But.

I also didn’t know that you could fall in love with the smell of someone. That their eyes could become home. That a smile could change the course of a whole day.

I didn’t know that sometimes you could just want to cry watching someone because you’re so overwhelmed with gratitude for just how lucky you are.

I had no way of knowing that his two children would accept and love me as if I had always been a part of the family. That somehow my heart would grow big enough to love them with everything I am, as if they were my own.

I never expected all the ways in which he would make me a better person. The way he would make me want to be a better person. A better mother, a better friend, a better partner.

I didn’t expect that he would discover all of the darkest, saddest corners of my soul and love them as much as he does the light. That he’d talk about them, with as much love – like they’re a part of me and so loving them whole heartedly is just a given.

I couldn’t have known the way he would work to find out what is important to me. The little things that make me happy – the things that make me feel loved, appreciated. The way he would fiercely prioritise those things.

I never expected that he’d teach me patience.

Calm.

Peace.

Forgiveness.

I didn’t know that this man would become my biggest fan. My greatest cheerleader even for the smallest achievements.

I didn’t know that he would come to have more faith in me than I have in myself at times and that his faith would become mine.

I couldn’t have imagined the strength he would give me to take chances on myself. To take risks. To step outside of my comfort zone in every aspect of my life.

I didn’t expect the way that his unconditional and whole hearted love for me would help me fall in love with myself again. Believe in myself. Trust myself, my abilities, my decisions, my journey.

The way his views on life would rub off on me. Teach me to let go.

To set boundaries.

To respect myself enough to say no, and walk away when I need to.

I could never have predicted the way in which we would band together when the road got tough. When life got heavy, or when the nights were long and sleepless.

The way he would teach me to fight fair, to remember that angry doesn’t mean leaving. That a fight doesn’t mean the end and it’s ok to have both feet inside the door. Secure in the knowledge that we can work anything out.

I could never have imagined how incredible he would be with my family. How he’d bring us all closer together. How we would make such an amazing team and be on the same page in a way I have never experienced before.

I could never have imagined a more perfect addition to our family than Cooper. Or the way that this addition would complete our family so beautifully.

I could never have pictured a home so filled with love and acceptance and laughter.

I could never have known the way his love and support would help me become a better mother. That he would teach me patience with myself. That tomorrow is another day and that perfect is a myth.

I didn’t expect the way he would call me out when I’m being a brat. Or when I’m being too hard on myself.

The way he would keep me grounded without ever wanting to change a single part of who I am.

In this man I haven’t just found the love of my life, I’ve found my favourite human, the most incredible life partner and the most wonderful father and role model.

I didn’t know.

I still feel the butterflies, the fireworks and the overwhelming excitement at a life with this incredible man, but now I know what to expect.

I don’t just have someone who loves me when the sun is shining. I have found someone who will love me through all the storms of life too.

Love me enough to fight for me.

For what we have.

For better or for worse, I can’t wait for forever.

❤️

6 thoughts on “I Didn’t Know

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