Someone I trusted let me down today.
Someone I respected.
Someone I expected to be in my corner.
It feels awful.
Someone else called me naive because of how devastated I was by their actions.
Naive. (adj) : (of a person or action) showing a lack of experience, judgement or wisdom.
It was naive of me to expect the best of that someone.
Naive to feel as let down as I do.
It’s not the first time I’ve been called naive.
I doubt it’ll be the last.
I expect the best in people. I hope for the most positive outcome in most situations.
I expect reason and rationality. I expect cooperation and a willingness to help out. I expect that extra mile.
For someone who anxiously plans for every outcome, I’m always shocked at how bitterly disappointed I find myself when I need to put those backup plans into action.
I’m emotional, impulsive, I think before I speak more often than I’m proud to admit. But I can admit when I was wrong.
I’ll always find a way to apologise when I’ve calmed down and realised I’ve overstepped the boundary line and make up for the wrong I’ve done. Fix my mistakes. When I can’t, it eats away at me endlessly.
I don’t always get it right, but I try really hard to learn from every experience and use every single one to be better next time.
I expect that same effort in return.
I don’t know, maybe I am naive.
I hope I never grow out of it.
I hope that with the ‘experience’, ‘judgement’ or ‘wisdom’ that definition says are the antidotes to this condition, that I never lose that naivety.
I hope I always look for the good. Always hope for the best.
I hope I always get over the top excited about my successes, and the successes of the people around me.
I hope that I make it to the top, but I hope I make it there by working hard, by helping others instead of pushing them down for my own gain.
I hope my ‘childish optimism’, my ‘moral idealism’ is something I’m remembered for.
I hope it always shocks me when life isn’t fair.
I hope spite always catches me off guard.
I hope I never become so bitter that I look for the worst in situations. That I expect the worst from everyone around me. That I assume goodness or hope are weaknesses and replace them with anger and resentment.
I wish there wasn’t such a negative connotation to the trait, but I’m Dee.
I’m ok with that.
And I wish we were all a little more naive sometimes.